Category Archives: single mom

Holding Space For Myself Is My New Sport

I’ve always been a sensitive person. I remember being a little girl and having really big feelings. I can remember grown ups saying they weren’t upset but could feel their “upset” energy. Even though their words said one thing, it didn’t match their actions or energy. And if someone was upset, I remember feeling “their upset” in the pit of my stomach. I didn’t know why I felt it when someone else was upset back then. However, I have a name for it now and it’s called being an empath.

Empath: a person with the paranormal ability to apprehend the mental or emotional state of another individual.

I still have big feelings AND I’m still really sensitive. I think being an empath has served me well as a mama. I’m able to connect, validate and empathize with my kids in a special way.

This year, I’m learning to protect myself with limits and a boundary bubble. I’ve been setting and practicing boundaries with my kids for a couple of years. We practice respect, grace, courtesy and kind communication at home. Boundaries with adults is much harder I must admit. pShRXZjcRHKxjkicdEjB7QPost Surf Sparkle. Learning to surf, post 3 kids and in my 40’s has been humbling and beautiful all at once.

Being able to hold space for my kids is something I’m very good at. It’s natural and so automatic for me. From the second I found out I was pregnant with all of my peanuts, I’ve been able to prioritize their health and well being. And once they were born, it was on. From a sleep schedule to daily and life decisions that were in the kids’ best interest were and still are an easy choice for me.

However, I found myself agreeing to things I didn’t want to do to accommodate the other adult person’s feelings. Setting boundaries in my adult relationships is hard because I love connection and camaraderie. And I have a very fun public life and job that allows for lots of fun conversation. Sometimes, I will say to the same co-worker 10 times I don’t discuss my personal life at work. I know that people can’t help themselves and are so curious because I do have a wonderful life. But protecting my energy is one way I hold space for myself. And It’s not my job to entertain other adults when I don’t want to. I want to talk about the good stuff, like surfing and how happy and healthy my kids are. And whether or not we’ll open a present on Christmas eve? You know, important holiday traditions.

As I continue (daily) to hold space for myself with adult conversations and adult plans I agree to. I’m breathing into it. Sometimes, it still feels hard to disappoint other adults by not doing exactly what they want. But I know that modeling healthy behavior while speaking clear, open communication is the best teacher for my little people.

And when I see AND hear my kids empathize with one another and other people I know I’m doing good work. The real work. Teaching my littles from a place of integrity and love. For the first time since they were babies my kids have joined me at the the chiropractor. They always came with me as babies (annual exam, dentist, eye appointment) you name it, they came with me to my mandatory appointments. Don’t be jealous-haha! These days I can usual schedule my dentist and annuals while they’re at school. #winning

But I take them to the chiropractor and the gym here and there on purpose. So, they can see me taking care of me.

Mama needs to take care of mama so she can take care of us.                                                                        ~Quote from Blaize, Pepper and Kai on the reg 

 

 

Seeking Balance As A Single Mom

I didn’t know that life balance while being a mom would be so complicated. I didn’t know that life balance while being a single mom would be SO COMPLICATED. There’s the normal mom guilt and then there’s the single mom guilt. Which goes above and beyond.E33A826D-4DBD-434B-ADC3-57F09A8E9A05.jpegTaking the streetcar to Aunt Tiff’s birthday. This is me operating at 100.IMG_3938Working and making lemonade. 

Nobody sets out to be a single mom but stuff happens…And I wouldn’t pick this situation for my kids EVER but it happened. So I will make the most of it. Being a single mom to three little kids is like a forced break of self care. It’s a few days a month where I’m forced to look after myself for a bit. It’s really strange to go from 100-zero overnight. And it doesn’t get easier just more familiar. Oh yeah, these are the days where I might sleep in, workout and take time to make myself food that I want. Oh hey self care days. “I see you and I’m trying to get along with you. Let’s make the most of it, shall we?”IMG_4038Mom Day-Just woke up, rushing to hot yoga. Wearing Kai’s backpack on the front so I don’t forget to drop it by his school after yoga. All of this happens before I fly to Maui later that day. This is a day where I’m standing for 20 hours. #momlife

I will continue to teach my kids how to improvise and make lemonade because I think it’s important in life. Whether I like it or not, the show must go on.

So to all you moms out there, single or not, GOOD JOB! Keep going, and keep taking care of the mother ship.

In A Love Relationship With Yoga

Yes, I’m in a committed, love relationship with yoga and it’s going great. We like to see each other everyday but sometimes we have to miss a few days. It only makes our reunions that much sweeter when we do see each other. If I could I would see hot yoga everyday but I’ll take what I can get. IMG_4150.jpgChilling in Maui post run and yogaIMG_2893_2Teeny, tiny smile post hot yoga class. Happy on the inside but totally wiped out.

I don’t always want to do yoga or feel like I have time to do the yoga. But love doesn’t flourish without  lots of quality time and attention so I make the time.

I’m not flexible at all…And hot yoga feels really awful for part or all of the class every.single.time. Yesterday I ate a cafe yum bowl about 45 minutes before hot yoga and regretted it throughly for the entire class. What you eat, drink, don’t drink can affect your hot yoga class with the intensity of a full body regret.

Kai’s 7th Birthday Trip To Honolulu

Holy crap, how did I get a 7 year old?! Our annual birthday trip with just the two of us went off without a hitch.

After Blaize and Pepper were born, I decided that Kai needed some one on one face time with his mama. When he turned 4, we went to LegoLand then Maui for 5 and 6 years old. This last year, we did the Waikiki thing! Experiences over things is the real deal at my house.

I’m a little late as Kai is turning 8 at the end of this month. Posting birthday pics now, better late than never.

IMG_0004IMG_0243IMG_0249IMG_0475IMG_0229IMG_0151IMG_0104IMG_0046Another birthday trip with just mama in the books!

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We slept like rocks every night. 🙂

Improvise Is A Staple Attitude At Our House

We celebrate life LOUD and PROUD at our house. The good times roll and roll quickly every.single.day. We have so much fun and get after the good times! No, I’m not supermom-I just like to have fun. And lucky for me I have 3 small kids who LOVE the fun with me. So we get out in the city a lot. We talk a lot, laugh a lot, eat a lot, adventure a lot and improvise a lot.

Yesterday, in the elevator we told one of our best little friends who’s 8 years old about improvising. She was confused because the game plan changed from the park to a hike. I asked Pepper what we do when we don’t get our first choice in life? Pepper said with a straight face and a 5 year old voice (that only a mom and speech therapist can love and understand) “we IMPOOOvise when we don’t get our furst choice. We say, it’s ok because maybeee next time we wheel get our furst choice. And if we don’t, it’s ok we let it go.  We still have fun, she said with a barbie doll smile!”

YES! That’s my girl! That’s my 5 year old miracle baby that I prayed for since I was 12 weeks pregnant.

So, now that I’m a single mom with three little kids in tow I subscribe hard to the “improvise dance.” Sometimes, it happens on a layover at work where I have 8 pairs of underwear for a 2 day trip and NO SOCKS. Oy! Or it happens a lot at the gym when the four of us hustle down the street to LA Fitness. It’s only a few blocks away so we walk. And it’s a chance for me to get my workout and shower in for the day. I pack my shower bag in a frenzy and always forget something. Today, I forgot my shower towel which has happened before. It’s not the first time people, but it’s the first time I’m talking about it. At least I have my razor and shower flip flops I tell myself. I’ve even dried off with paper towels before. #truth

It’s definitely not my choice to dry off with a hand towel at the gym but by golly I’m going to workout and shower any chance I get. Screw the shower towel, the show must go on! I just avoid eye contact hard! Haha!D3C6DC80-7E23-4997-A691-62EEE5BF80F1.pngIt’s so amazing when I hear one of my little peanuts rattle off some good grown up advice about “improvising” in the real world.

It’s a magical mom moment where I breathe in all the goodness that this little person is sharing with the world.

Big Family, Small Herd

Days are long. Years are short. Days are long. Years are short. IMG_3974.jpgKai, getting it at the playground!IMG_0494Pre bedtime snuggle with my girl band! 

Our days are bat shit crazy busy with kids stuff so I keep our afternoons/evenings very low key with a hard emphasis on the bedtime routine. Yes, Blaize and Pepper are 5 years old but they need their sleep. And so do I!

They are not the kind of kids that can stay up til 10pm and be “cool” the next day. I still plan my life around playing and chasing the fun with my kids during the day while honoring our “family sleep schedule.”

More music, more singing, more adventures and sleep, lots of beautiful sleep.

Happy sleeping my friends!