Tag Archives: momlife

Holding Space For Myself Is My New Sport

I’ve always been a sensitive person. I remember being a little girl and having really big feelings. I can remember grown ups saying they weren’t upset but could feel their “upset” energy. Even though their words said one thing, it didn’t match their actions or energy. And if someone was upset, I remember feeling “their upset” in the pit of my stomach. I didn’t know why I felt it when someone else was upset back then. However, I have a name for it now and it’s called being an empath.

Empath: a person with the paranormal ability to apprehend the mental or emotional state of another individual.

I still have big feelings AND I’m still really sensitive. I think being an empath has served me well as a mama. I’m able to connect, validate and empathize with my kids in a special way.

This year, I’m learning to protect myself with limits and a boundary bubble. I’ve been setting and practicing boundaries with my kids for a couple of years. We practice respect, grace, courtesy and kind communication at home. Boundaries with adults is much harder I must admit. pShRXZjcRHKxjkicdEjB7QPost Surf Sparkle. Learning to surf, post 3 kids and in my 40’s has been humbling and beautiful all at once.

Being able to hold space for my kids is something I’m very good at. It’s natural and so automatic for me. From the second I found out I was pregnant with all of my peanuts, I’ve been able to prioritize their health and well being. And once they were born, it was on. From a sleep schedule to daily and life decisions that were in the kids’ best interest were and still are an easy choice for me.

However, I found myself agreeing to things I didn’t want to do to accommodate the other adult person’s feelings. Setting boundaries in my adult relationships is hard because I love connection and camaraderie. And I have a very fun public life and job that allows for lots of fun conversation. Sometimes, I will say to the same co-worker 10 times I don’t discuss my personal life at work. I know that people can’t help themselves and are so curious because I do have a wonderful life. But protecting my energy is one way I hold space for myself. And It’s not my job to entertain other adults when I don’t want to. I want to talk about the good stuff, like surfing and how happy and healthy my kids are. And whether or not we’ll open a present on Christmas eve? You know, important holiday traditions.

As I continue (daily) to hold space for myself with adult conversations and adult plans I agree to. I’m breathing into it. Sometimes, it still feels hard to disappoint other adults by not doing exactly what they want. But I know that modeling healthy behavior while speaking clear, open communication is the best teacher for my little people.

And when I see AND hear my kids empathize with one another and other people I know I’m doing good work. The real work. Teaching my littles from a place of integrity and love. For the first time since they were babies my kids have joined me at the the chiropractor. They always came with me as babies (annual exam, dentist, eye appointment) you name it, they came with me to my mandatory appointments. Don’t be jealous-haha! These days I can usual schedule my dentist and annuals while they’re at school. #winning

But I take them to the chiropractor and the gym here and there on purpose. So, they can see me taking care of me.

Mama needs to take care of mama so she can take care of us.                                                                        ~Quote from Blaize, Pepper and Kai on the reg 

 

 

I’m Back

It’s been almost a year since I wrote a blog post. And like you I’m saying wow, what a year. Well, when you’re a mama bear to 3 amazing humans life gets busy in a way that you can’t explain. And also, I’ve been doing incredible self care and healthy attachment learning with podcasts, books and conversation. It’s like I have a crush on secure attachment. I love talking about it, learning about it and providing it for my 3 little people.

In addition, to my learning and self care I’ve implemented boundaries for the first time in my life. Instead of accommodating other adult people, I’m consciously choosing to accommodate myself and my 3 kids and then go from there. Modeling healthy boundaries and healthy choices and behavior instead of just talking about it has been the real workout.

I’ve missed writing and sharing and am ready to dive back in. Let the good times roll. 14EDBC30-F260-4ACC-B3A1-CD419277C4DB.jpgLast weekend, flying to Cali to meet our new little baby niece 

Attitude Is Everything

Yes, I’m a busy mama bear to three little cubs. But, the truth is I was waiting for a big, bright light to shine my way for my last day of my 30 day writing challenge. And it never happened. I expected there to be glorious fireworks or some epiphany at the end of my 30 day challenge. But it didn’t happen. So, I wrote my Standby post to buy some time and waited. Yes, I got busy visiting my parents this past weekend with my three little peanuts in tow. Yes, I’m on a 15 night stretch with my three little angels. Yes, my 7 year old got braces and an expander put in on Monday.

Sometimes the end isn’t shiny and cute. Sometimes there isn’t a big flashy bang at the end. Sometimes, it’s a soft whisper with low light. And the best part is the attitude you keep.

I’m glad I did a 30 day writing challenge. It was outside my comfort zone but very doable. It made me focus and dip into my creative side which can disappear when I get busy.

Hands down, my favorite part was connecting with all the people that I don’t normally get to connect with. We’re all busy and it’s hard to stay connected but writing everyday gave me that link.

So, thank you for your encouragement, messages, private messages, emails and texts! I loved getting to hear your story so much.

Here’s a few things I did that were inspired by my 30 day blogging challenge:49A4B990-14B0-45F5-B98B-E53688D58197I upgraded my yoga membership to unlimited.

Kai and I learned how to tie a real tie because Kai likes to wear ties to school EVERYDAY.193921E0-A097-4D6C-B1F5-E42340107C87Loving their cousin Arista❤️717A52DE-27BA-42BD-9171-D19AC9BD67E9Getting a view from the top.9E1E7757-1EDF-4764-B72D-249EBCCFB704Easter smiles while Kai smiles with his “flex.”

6A81C834-E404-4216-965E-E0E0E9A5C9A0Reunited with my girl band and loving it!12030BD6-6B70-41F0-A63D-26B0899DB7CCSurrounded by my barnacles. My mom calls them “barnies” or barnicles because my kids love to be ATTACHED TO MY BODY at all times. 😍

During my challenge, I would wonder why I’m doing this challenge at all or on the weekend, don’t I have enough stuff to do?! One or two days off would be so nice. Then I’d write, post it and the weekend would pass and I’d forget all about it.

Like many things in life hindsight feels different than when you’re in it with your sleeves pulled up handling it. 

So, my friends my heart is full and my pocket is full of sunshine. Happy Day 30! Seems like yesterday I came up with this lil idea. 

Here’s to handling life with grace, humor and lots of connection.

**Attitude is Everything

 

 

Like The Pilots Say, Standby

Standby for Day 30 of Day 30 of my writing challenge. One of my favorite responses is “standby” via text or face to face. If you know me, then you know where “standby” comes from but other people look confused when I toss the “standby” their way.

Here’s how the standby conversation goes:

On the airplane, the A flight attendant takes care of first class AND feeds the pilots. So, I’ve always loved the initial briefing at the start of any trip. Hi, my name is Dave. Hi Dave, my name is Brandy. Small chit chat ensues similar or exactly like the following; “have we flown together? Maybe? You look really familiar, so do you! Do you live in Portland? No, across the bridge in Vancouver. Cool! Then the pilots head into their office to start their checklist. It never fails, Hey Dave, do you want coffee or something besides water. “STANDBY” is his response. Then I literally standby and wait for the yes or no  response. I don’t know why this was so funny to me when I started flying. It’s so normal to me now but I love to use it outside of the airplane, in the real world. It’s funny using the “STANDBY” as your complete response with people. Give it a try. When someone asks you a question, respond via text with “Standby.” And wait for their response. 😂😎59F4103C-F831-4286-A6C0-584FE35DCA58.jpegSelf Care With A High Noon Hot Tub

Seeking Balance As A Single Mom

I didn’t know that life balance while being a mom would be so complicated. I didn’t know that life balance while being a single mom would be SO COMPLICATED. There’s the normal mom guilt and then there’s the single mom guilt. Which goes above and beyond.E33A826D-4DBD-434B-ADC3-57F09A8E9A05.jpegTaking the streetcar to Aunt Tiff’s birthday. This is me operating at 100.IMG_3938Working and making lemonade. 

Nobody sets out to be a single mom but stuff happens…And I wouldn’t pick this situation for my kids EVER but it happened. So I will make the most of it. Being a single mom to three little kids is like a forced break of self care. It’s a few days a month where I’m forced to look after myself for a bit. It’s really strange to go from 100-zero overnight. And it doesn’t get easier just more familiar. Oh yeah, these are the days where I might sleep in, workout and take time to make myself food that I want. Oh hey self care days. “I see you and I’m trying to get along with you. Let’s make the most of it, shall we?”IMG_4038Mom Day-Just woke up, rushing to hot yoga. Wearing Kai’s backpack on the front so I don’t forget to drop it by his school after yoga. All of this happens before I fly to Maui later that day. This is a day where I’m standing for 20 hours. #momlife

I will continue to teach my kids how to improvise and make lemonade because I think it’s important in life. Whether I like it or not, the show must go on.

So to all you moms out there, single or not, GOOD JOB! Keep going, and keep taking care of the mother ship.

In A Love Relationship With Yoga

Yes, I’m in a committed, love relationship with yoga and it’s going great. We like to see each other everyday but sometimes we have to miss a few days. It only makes our reunions that much sweeter when we do see each other. If I could I would see hot yoga everyday but I’ll take what I can get. IMG_4150.jpgChilling in Maui post run and yogaIMG_2893_2Teeny, tiny smile post hot yoga class. Happy on the inside but totally wiped out.

I don’t always want to do yoga or feel like I have time to do the yoga. But love doesn’t flourish without  lots of quality time and attention so I make the time.

I’m not flexible at all…And hot yoga feels really awful for part or all of the class every.single.time. Yesterday I ate a cafe yum bowl about 45 minutes before hot yoga and regretted it throughly for the entire class. What you eat, drink, don’t drink can affect your hot yoga class with the intensity of a full body regret.

Nobody Likes The Wet Spot

This is a REPOST from my old babymama blog. It was created in 2009 when I was pregnant with Kai but no longer available. However, here is one of the few stories I managed to snag.

I remember giggling when my mom first joked about how nobody likes the “wet spot” in the bed. I can’t remember the context of what was said but there’s usually a hint of many things in her jokes. Over the years, I’ve used that saying here and there. If someone spills water on the bed, I’d announce “let’s trade sides” because nobody likes the “wet spot.” Giggle, giggle. Turns out the jokes on me these days.

Me and baby Kai

Baby Kai all snuggled into the ergo where we cruised around together-2010

After being in the stroller for awhile Baby Kai clearly expressed wanting out of his car seat/stroller situation. He’d been in there singing for an hour so who could blame him for wanting a different view. I figured it was time to feed him anyway and popped into a local coffee shop to do the deed. He was ecstatic to get out of the stroller and get a better view of the world. He nose dived for the boob, took some good sucks and then pulled away smiling. My milk started spraying while my nipple saluted everyone. I pulled my tank up and down while he nose dived for the boob again. Eating, smiling and grabbing my face are some of the highlights these days. This little game went on a couple of times on each side before I took my wet boobs back outside. Put the little guy in the Ergo and we continued our walking errands. The show must go on, wet spots and all.

Thus, giving new meaning to the “wet spot” with a baby.